My Hajj Diary - Day 11 (end of entry)

Day 11 (18/10/2013)

Waiting for Fajr.  Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah!  We have finally completed our hajj with a very smooth and beatuiful tawaf wada'.  Woken up at quarter past 12 am in the darkness by Maha.  Rini wanted to go to the Haram as soon as possible.  There were already others waiting there when we came down.

Alhamdulillah, we got a taxi almost immediately.  Got there and did the tawaf on the first floor.  Even though it was larger but we did it peacefully and tranquilly and for the first time this hajj, I actually enjoyed the tawaf.  The view of the Kaabah was still impeded but without pushing and shoving, we could really concentrate.  We then waited at Marwa for Rini while she finished her Sa'i.  Again, that went smoothly and we didn't lose each other.  We easily got a taxi back, alhamdulillah, thanks to Maha's Arabic.  So all in all, we had a smooth farewell tawaf without adventure.  A good note to end on, alhamdulillah.

Having finished all the rights of Hajj, I am just waiting till tonight to start on the leg back to London.  There is a sense of sadness and joy that my hajj journey is finally over.

The anticipation of the hajj experience building in the months before were nothing like the rush of the actual experience itself.  I will need to analyse deeper its impact on me but have I learnt anything about myself in this journey that I didn't know before?

Also I realise I have never been more grateful for my ability to read a map and visualise it in reality in order to navigate.  Alhamdulillah, now I realise what a gift it is.  Alhamdulillah, this gift has been useful in navigating my way back to Mina twice and in and around the Haram as well as in Madinah.  Ya Allah, let me always be grateful for this gift and let me use it wisely.

A weakness that was an asset for hajj is my inability to do small talks.  This allows me to block most of the chatters and concentrate on what matters.  The few discussions were on interesting matters or important matters.  What it didn't help for me is the making of friends.  But since I am not here on this journey to make friends, that is fine.  Still, alhamdulillah, to get to know a few of the sisters is a blessing.  Insha Allah, will try to stay in touch with them.

My Hajj Diary - Day 10

Day 10 (17/10/2013)

2 am - Ya Allah, please help us in this test you have given us.  I am not sure why You moved me to do the jamrat before the rest, but it made me come back in time for the return of the sister from the hospital.

11 am - We are now in the apartment again in the Aziziyah.  The challenge now is to arrange for the Tawaf Wada'.  I am disappointed that Elsawy has not arranged for the tawaf for us.  Today is, I realise, the last day of Eid.  As I said, it has been an eventful journey but the actual impact will have to be assessed later when things have sunk in.

The fact that I am not well also does not help.  The tent in Mina didn't help...it is a germ breeding ground.  I wish I had some of the ginger Sis Yusria brought.

Was talking to Mehmoona just now and she had the same disconnection to the Haram that I have been feeling.  The construction around the Kaabah is like a monstrosity.  You can't see the Kaabah anymore from the mosque.  Last year, we had an unimpeded view of the Kaabah and there was that connection, a sense of peace, yet still energetic/magnetic pull.  Now, there is nothing.  And the mostrosity of a building they are building as an extension to the mosque.  And more hotels and shopping centres are opening new the Haram.  All blitz and glitter but no substance.  Are they trying to get the people coming to Hajj and Umrah to divert their focus to shopping rather than worship?  We seem to have gone back to the Jahiliyah days when the Quraish of Mecca were using the Kaabah for commercial and status purposes. 

My Hajj Diary - Day 9

Day 9 (16/10/2013)  

Am sitting in the hot tent.  Alhamdulillah, I finished the second jamrat this morning just after fajr.  Poor Shahidah, her blisters have burst and the doctor told her that she needs to stay off her feet.  So, insha Allah, I will be doing her last jamrat for her.  Allah has been very merciful to me this hajj.  Other than a brief migraine and some sore hip, I have been relatively healthy enough to perform all the rites.  I am trying to keep up my health because there are two more acts to perform.

That was my du'a other than Shahidah's well being during the jamrat. Had been worried about her feet. Anyway, if she can't do the jamrat, I will do it for her.  And if she can't do the tawaf wada' (the farewell tawaf), she is free to go.

This morning, around breakfast time, had an interesting discussion with Sis Fyza and Yusria regarding the Qur'an, sunnah and hadith.  I am glad to hear that Fyza is thinking along similar lines.  May Allah give her strength to do what she wishes to do.  We need people who can speak up and not be afraid.

Ya Allah, today has been the strangest day.  Help the sister, Ya Allah.  She truly is needing your help.  Her condition had gotten worse since I met her several days ago at the Aziziyah. At first, she just seems enthusiastic and a bit over the top but today, she turned violent.  The sisters did well to try and keep her calm but it didn't help.  She needed professional help.

Something Shahidah said today made a lot of sense.  It links to what I said to her in the Haram yesterday.  I said this is the first time I felt like a musafir (a traveller).  Today, she said that hajj is preparing us or reminding us that we are on a journey where we tend to carry too many baggage.  It taught her to travel light.

Masya Allah, she is right.  We carry too much baggage even though we are only travellers in this world.  We need to travel light: perhaps that is one of the meaning of the ones 'who walk gently on this earth.'  That as guests of Allah on this creation of His, we shouldn't be ungrateful guests.  Two points:
1.  Too much baggage

It is more difficult to move freely.  Just look at the chaos to come to Mina with people carrying loads.  But when we went to Arafah, we were more fluid because we only carriedd really essential stuff.  I thought I carried only essentials but so many things I brought ended up not ussed.  So a lesson here is that we really get attached to things which seem essential but actually is not.  E.g. work:  since I have been here, I have not thought about work till now that is.

And remember, we all return to Him without any of things that we can really bring with us.

2.  Impact on Earth

Looking at the state of the Haram, Mina, Muzdalifah and Arafat, I am sad.  Look at the rubbish everywhere.  Bottles, tissues, peels and whatever else.  I think we used billions of bottles and it is just thrown away and not recycled.  (and not even thrown away in a responsible manner!) Where are our manners in being His guests in His House?  And cleanliness is part of Islam.  So where is it?  Caring for the earth is part of our duty as Allah's representatives.  And yet we are leaving behind millions of tonnes of rubbish which will pollute the environment.

So, we need to understand this responsibility that Allah has bestowed on us.  By truly living a life of a traveller, you realise that a traveller shouldn't leave a print of himself/herself on the place she/he is visiting.

My Hajj Diary - Day 8

Day 8 (15/10/2013 - First Day of Eid)  

It will be Fajr soon and it has been a long night.  Slept for about 3 hours before the rest came back (from Muzdalifah).  That gave me a second wind, alhamdulillah.

People are tired but we will be going for jamrat (stoning) after fajr.  May Allah make it easy for all of us.

Ya Allah, today is the day of Eid.  Just got a "message" from God (as the sister who delivered it said - which is creepy by the way!) that I need to listen more.

After Dzuhur - Alhamdulillah, finished the jamrat, tawaf ifadah and sa'i.  Am out of ihram.  Unfortunately, things are not so smooth.  We are stuck here (at the Haram) until Asr.  Dirty, tired, smelly in clothes which are three days old, I can't bring myself to actually do much du'a at all.  Too exhausted to think.

(note that the entry below is written retrospectively the day after because this day was just madness!)

Woke up at 1 am, insha Allah, an hour before we are going to do the second jamrat.  I am definitely exhausted and not feeling well.  Likely flu.  Trying to fight it.

Ya Allah, I don't know how complete my tawaf and sa'i were yesterday.  I don't really think I did much supplication, mostly dzikr.  But I had a moment; I was trying to negotiate with Allah on whether He could send me an invitation for hajj or umrah again.  At this time, I am leaning towards umrah.  Anyway, it is definitely a human trait not to be satisfied with just an invitation.

Yesterday was a tough day.  One of the most challenging in my life, I think.  First, it started with the jamrat Aqabah (the first jamrat) where we were pushed and shoved by the crowd.  The poor old lady who Shahidah had been helping in our camp was quite overwhelmed by it.  Alhamdulillah, later we found out she made it all the way to the Haram and did at least 1.5 tawaf rounds on her own two feet.

Anyway, we (Mehmoona, her family and I) got separated from the main group and tried to get back together...alhamdulillah, we managed.  The jamrat itself was fine, alhamdulillah.  Sorry, I fell asleep while writing this down.

We then walked to the Haram in a sea of people with Sis Yusria before (literally) battling the crowd during tawaf.  At one point I was swept off my feet (and if not for my hold on Shahidah I would have gone under).  There was no way to really concentrate or take pleasure in the tawaf because of the crowd.  Pushing and shoving are only 2 of the unpleasant things that occur there.  In fact it was so bad that Shahidah had a panic attack and felt faint.  Let's just say, I had a mini sa'i (like Hajar a.s.) trying to find zamzam for her.  I was worried for her because I have never seen her so overwhelmed and not in a good way.  We managed to finally settle her on the first floor at Safa while waiting for her to recover.  Started our sa'i after dzuhur and finished by 2 pm but we weren't able to find Sis Yusria and so we stayed until Asr before giving up.

Alhamdulillah that we did because we would have missed the bus to take us to Mina from the apartments in Aziziyah.  (I would suggest that no one ever stays at the Aziziyah during Hajj - it is a nightmare to find a taxi to go there and we paid SAR100 each for the trip) But the trip from Aziziyah to Mina was another adventure in itself.  The bus dropped us at the start of Mina.  We had to walk a distance before having to cross the highway with cars/buses travelling 70 miles/hr or more.  I lost my cool a little (probably a lot) at that time because the brothers didn't know/weren't sure the way to the camp and they weren't consulting the map.  Alhamdulillah for the maps all over Mina.  Managed to work out where we needed to go and I just proceeded on.  (I left the brothers to their wrangling and walked on.)  Not a team player certainly and I still need to work on my patience.  Ya Allah, truly this Hajj is a test on my patience.

Came back to camp and found Sis Yusria already back.  Alhamdulillah, I was worried that she waited for us and we left her.  Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, truly it was the most challenging day but I managed to achieve what I set out to do and I am no longer in ihram.

My Hajj Diary - Day 7

Day 7 (14/10/2013 - 9th Dzulhijjah) - Day of Arafah 

I wish we could have left Mina after Fajr as per the Sunnah of the Prophet but I understand the logistics is such that it wasn't going to happen.  But alhamdulillah, we are here in Arafah, waiting for Fajr.  From my spot, I can see the stars and just now, it is cool enough to be outside where I can see Orion's Belt.  Masha Allah!

I am overwhelmed by the feeling of gratefulness to be here.  To be given the chance to be truly part of Hajj.  Ya Allah, let me always be among the grateful.  Ya Allah, let me have patience over hajj.  I have resolved to walk to Muzdalifah and Mina tonight.  It will be a long and dusty walk but insha Allah, I will endure.  Keep me safe through this journey, Ya Allah.

Oh, I forgot a thought I had on the way here:  I have not been on the internet for over a week.  And I rediscovered the beauty of the pen and paper again.

It is not even 10 am and it is already very hot.  Masha Allah, if we can't stand this heat in the shade, what about the time when we are on the Day of Judgement?  When there is no shade except those on whom Allah has mercy.

Prophet Ibrahim a.s. supplication in 26:83-85

ربِّ هب لِّى حُكما و الحِقْنى بالصلحين واجعل لى لسان صدْقٍ في الآخرين و اجعلنى من ورثهِ جنَّة النعيم

O my sustainer, endow me with the ability to judge (between right and wrong) and make me one of the righteous and grant me power to convey the truth unto those who will come after me and place me among those who shall inherit the garden of bliss!

I was thinking about the heat and I wonder about those living on the streets, how they take to the heat and others to the cold.  This makes me resolve to go for the challenge to sleep rough.  Yet both conditions are temporary for me, Masha Allah!  How can I not be grateful for the gifts He has given me!  Ya Allah, let me be among the grateful.

Nearly 12 pm and I have resorted to leaving the tent and sitting in the blazing sun outside.  The difficulty is the noises drowning out the voice within.  This is alluding to our daily lives too where so many noise vie for our attention without giving us time for ourselves.  Today, the day of Arafah, I had hoped for quiet time to reflect but that is my test, I believe.  Alhamdulillah for this walkway for it is helping me get away.  Ya Allah, how do I get away in real life?  When do I take time to get away from thoughts of life to reflect on myself, my relationship with you and the rest of your creation?  Help me, Ya Allah, help me.

Alhamdulillah, after dzuhur, and I am sitting outside under the shade of a tree, pilgrims all around me and birds chirping from the branches.  A sister's husband brought me some zamzam water (May Allah reward them for their kindness.)  Ya Allah, I saw much kindness around me this hajj which gives me hope for the Ummah.  If only we can harness this kindness to change the world.

On the one hand, I wish this day would never end and on the other, I am looking forward to the other acts of hajj.  Ya Allah, let me get another invitation to Your house!

The last hour before leaving Arafah.  I posed the question of how we can change ourselves and the Ummah for we know that Allah does not change a person/community unless they change themselves.  What are the necessary actions?

After 9 pm, alhamdulillah at Muzdalifah after walking for almost 3 hours.  Masha Allah, it was worth it to walk even though now I have to ask some Indonesians if I could keep their company for some time.  Not sure if I will stay for Fajr as I am not sure when they (my group) will leave for jamrah.  There is still a ways to go to my camp in Mina.

Anyway, back to the walk - the energy is electrifying.  You could feel what was described in the Qur'an regarding people pouring down from Arafah.  Felt like you are swept away by a sea of people.  But Masha Allah, there were pockets of free space that I didn't feel claustrophobic at all. Allah protected me along the way and provided for me.  There were water coolers when I needed them and also bought an apple and some grapes for food.

People are still streaming in, I can see them walking past me.  There are people everywhere I look and shops line the streets.  Also hawkers.  I left the Indonesians as I didn't feel comfortable imposing on them.  Been walking and now have stopped at the border of Muzdalifah and Mina.  At the African Section (Section 5).  Hawkers line the street and I even saw two women cooking something in a big pot.  Probably to sell tomorrow morning.  Found out the Indonesians didn't belong to a camp but sleeping in the street.  Not all in Muzdalifah are as lucky, I notice, as I am.  Life is very different on the streets than in the 'rarified' world of the middle classes.

Alhamdulillah that I made a decision to walk.  You find out the colourful nature of the world.